Just been through Valentines Day and, let me tell you, it was dicey. My dear husband and I have always been gift-challenged. This is not from a lack of affection or because we don’t try. We do. We have expended so much energy on this (money, too, when there is spare money), but it comes down to this–he wants a very different “gift” than I do.
If in no other area, we speak different gift languages. It has taken us too damned long to realize this.
We laugh about some of the stories now…but they weren’t funny then. Like the first couple anniversary when I wanted an engagement rink and he got me an orange track suit that matched his. Really. We’ve been that bad. There have been stellar moments–like when he got me just the right wedding band(because of the fortunately loose lips of a child we shared) and when he bought me a used version of a really expensive sewing machine when our children were young and I was sewing a lot.
(Smocking and tatting, too. I’m truly not the kind of woman you’d expect that from. I don’t like cooking, at all.)
Truthfully, I think my beloved husband’s gotten this right more often than I have. Even when I ventured into the “experience as gift” realm and threw him a surprise birthday party, he was so shocked, he didn’t actually know how to enjoy it. Lesson learned–he likes to give parties, not receive them.
You’d think that we’d have gotten it much earlier. We both have high academic degrees and we’re both relatively observant people–so dumb. After years of disappointment–and disappointing him–I have come to the realization that while he wants “experience” gifts, I want actual hold-it-in-my-hands gifts.
You know, he likes going to a ball game or going to a concert or going pretty much anywhere; I like jewelry. Not diamonds, you realize. I’m more difficult than that. I currently like tiny, delicate necklaces and big, chunky, emerald-cut stones of color that I wear on my fingers.
This should not be difficult to figure out for any one of even average intelligence, but relationships are complicated…and we probably should have realized this years ago. I can only plead that the subject is fraught with emotion for most people and we’re just as susceptible. It’s taken us more years to than I’d like to admit, but I’m not a woman who wants two dozen red roses sent to my place of business and he doesn’t want me wearing (only on Valentines) skimpy red lingerie.
I’ve come to accept that we’re not average.